only a boy

you are just a boy.....
how could i expect you to live up to a real man's role?
i was just dreaming i guess.
a life alone I'm entitled to dream every now and again.
forgive me for having hope in something that can not deliver, I was being foolish and naive.
being childlike is not to be looked at with shame, but knowing what, where, and when to take things at face value, to deal with things responsibly is vital to a healthy existence.

so again im sorry i let my hope blind my reason..

its not your fualt you let me down, you are just a boy, and boys should never grow up if it can be helped.
sorry for trying to cast you as the role of prince charming when you were ment to play peter pan.

and im not wendy....

what to do today...lets write.

write often, write everyday! how else are you to become better, you don't just wake up one day and "DANG!!!!" you're good! its like a relationship, you and your writting have to spend time together building up each other...soon enough you'll be finishing each othere sentences lol
get to know your writting's personality-(serious, witty, homerous, saterical) what they do best, what it distastes, what it's weaknesses are.

Certain authors, songs, places, people specifically nerture your writting's personality growth. find them and feast on their sustenance, suck every bit of life out of it as you can.
it would be wise to feed off of many different outlets, that way your style is not confined to one particular area. broader vision equals wider herizons.

me in your head or your heart?...

what do you think of when you think of me???

what other thoughts run through your head?
what pictures do you see?
what songs play in your mind?
what memories do you remissness?
what hopes do you hold so close to your heart?

are they true to my nature or are they fabricated my your idealizing mind?
does your heart have anything to do with your head?
have you dreamed of me? what was it like? did you wake with a smile?
have you ever longed to hold me, or gently touch my cheek?
have you desired my skin meet the warmth of ours?
ever pictured me in a gown and a Vail? white fabric hung flowing upon my frame?

even for a second, have you thought of me and it brought a smile to your face?
how do you think of me?...with humor...or passion?
when you hear my name or picture my face, does the heart take over?

just call

call me please i need to hear you say those words...words i would be lying if toy told them back to you, words i have said back to you. need that attention, while i a wait price charming I've become attached to Mr. emotional wreck.

i could hurt you but i wont, or at least I'll try not to.
i need you to call, let that phone light up like the the sun shinning through the crack in the window, waking me, letting me live.
please call right now, please call.

say you love me like you always do, but i know there is no way you could possibly and sincerely mean it...i need to hear it anyway.

is that why you say it? because you know i desperately need to hear it?
or is really because you so desperately need to say it???
maybe both.

i never needed or wanted it before, i scoffed at the words! i rejected them, it aggitated me so that you uttered them.
but now,..look at me...

come on call, i'll give you what you want to hear.
...but just for tonight, while im weak, while im alone.

M@

its hard to think i could make anyone nervous, but i guess its possible. maybe thats why my whole life guys have shyed away but later admitted to liking me, just not knowing what to do or say.

you are young but seem to have a Godly wisdom, i would not over look you, in fact if you would show me who you are im certain i would love you. as it stands i dont know much.

im leaving soon, starting "a new chapter of life" as they say. college is a pivotal point in life, it has the ability to brake you if you are not personally and morally strong or even make you if you are weak minded. so starting something with someone i have to leave behind is a very difficult thing especially when you are meeting so many new prospects. but dont let this hinder your decision of going after what you want, if what that is is me. becuase if what i see in you is great no others could compare, if you were truly meant for me for any amount of time. it would be worth it.

i dont know if any of what im saying makes any sense but so far in my life you are the first guy that has admitted their interest in me, that seems to really be in right standing with God. and because of that one thing you are put above all others. so honestly if you ask me out there is no other way i could respond than "YES".

but its up to you to make the move and ask, otherwords i will go on knowing God will send the right one in time.

boys boys boys

oh gosh boys you are just coming, no a better word is swarming up right out of the woodworks. young boys falling in love with my charm? i don't know. professing their admiration and hope to be something to me.

what am i too do? i am at a crossroads in my own life, college fast approaching, a grand adventure!
and i need nothing to weigh me down. i like the attention but i will not lead them on. relationships are not to be taken lightly....but can they understand my views. are they even able to live, think, and operate on my level. i severely doubt it.....

my dearest friend,

he is laughable, lovable, and talented. but his mind is as narrow as the holes in the membrane of a cell wall. tiny, no microscopic, and only certain ideas are chosen to pass through. beyond that it is almost impervious. his mind once set can not be reasoned with or taught.

no my friend i can not tolerate your ignorance, but unlike you i understand why you are the way you act. bitterness, and for that i have compassion. its not that you can't understand people and the actions they take, it's that you wont open up your mind to realizing the truth. and the truth is that are just what confuses you. what frustrates you is human behavior that you your self display when you talk of "broads".

you will never understand us "broads" becuase you cant understand yourself. you're blind, you don't have the sight of the creator, the painter who knows each brush stroke it takes to bring the masterpiece to the desired beauty.

and we are not "broads" "toots" or a "doll" or "DAME", and if anything we are baronesses , countesses, and duchesses.

call me MADAME and not "Dame"!

guys boys men.......

guys boys men.......

they trouble me, fascinate me, annoy me, disgust me, enthrall me, exhaust me, and can completely take me by surprise!

and then when your feet are lift right off the ground they drop you like a hot potato ....

the blue eyed boy ;D

his blue eyes and shinning blond hair would have never cought my eye. but his charm, intoxicating. God gave me a precautionary attribute that held him at a distance from me....because the truth, he was no good for me. his intelligence admirable, his inner personality appealing, but the life style he chose to lead, the persona he decided to portray turned my interest to disdain.
oh but i still wish for him to be better, to be what i know he can be. i only have had a glimpse of him but what i saw behind the mirage was worth redemption.
one day he may see the light, as it were, and will not be there. who ever is the fortunate gal by his side better be virtuous, upright, and noble in character.
don't take too long blue eyed boy. finding your way and getting those fleeting and soon vapid "kicks". the good in life might pass you by while your chasing the temporary!
best of luck...if you ever saw that light in me you could have reached out and grabed it. im willing to give it. but honeasty as it stands i deserve better.

where i am at...

what do you do when all you ever believed, what you've always known starts to be questioned and for some reason you allowed it.......dramatic? it might sound so, but im convinced we all have to go through it at some point. you just hope its a part of growing up, and it will get better sooner or later. God please make it sooner! lol it might make you stronger, isn't that what we all hope?