three in the morning

i want my facebook status right now to say MICHELLE CLARK: hates you! but we both know it cant say that. soooo it has happened again.
i allowed myself to begin to like a guy and even was steping out in the right direction, but again friend has found interest in him as well and i go into that stupid auto piolet where i politely get overlooked. its depressing. i question what im doing wrong? am i not forward or aggressive enough, what amiable qualities am i lacking? there has to be something....im just so blind to see it. its not that this one was so abnormally specail, not at all, it just hurts and deeper than it should. deeper than i will allow it to, i deserve greatness this i do know. but i can never get close. i must be too complex, some dont have the attention span for mystery of getting to know my multifacteded personality.
what i ever it is i wish i knew what it was, this thing that has my up writting my thoughts at 3:06 in the morning.
i just feel like crap, like sencond rate, but i know there is no way i could be those thimgs tis why i am so perplexed.
let me know so i can deciede to either dealwith it or change it.

soo yeah....

helps me

reading these blurbs maintains me, sustains me. it reminds me who i am when i get so terribly confused. it secures my idenity, it reminds me there is something beuatiful living inside of me...i hope he is still there, i need that solace i seem to lack. i need him in my heart and my mind. i have bcome less aware, i need to be more concious to it.
he and thses writings he allows to flow through me, saves me!

wow its been a long behind time!
im in college, got some friends, got lots of essays....life is not what it used to be.
i still want nothing more than to be with my heavenly father, but i've been somewhat detached!
have guy things here and there, but nothing of the heart soaring or wrenching kind.
still holding out for the GOODS!!!

not drinking or rock n the night away, staying firm! but still having fun 8)..hmmm imagine that...lol

i hVE MISSED YOU BLOG! SORRY I HAD TO LEAVE YOU!
just had to let you sit and rest forawhile after the muse becoming the observer incident happened...and yes im sorry i did see other mediums while we were apart. his name is mr. suade string bound note book and quail pen. he has been good to me and for me. and he is always there when i need him, in times where you cant be.
but listen...i still care for you! there is still aplace for you in my life...i wont let you go unattended to for too long.
smooches,
your author <3