you know how guys complain about getting stuck in the friend zone, get over it! im always there, even bought a summer home.maybe u can come over for cocktails!!!

why do i feel like shit?!
empty,
why am i always "plan B" girl?
they woo me, they even tell me they love me...but what do they do.
find someone else who ..they love too? no they never loved me at all, any of them.

i cant deal with life right now as it stands, so i sit. but sitting, i am wasting away.
loosing faith, not finding God when i really want to. i really want him .i want him to be real and here,with me, with in me. how did he all the sudden up and disappear?
how can i believe and still be confronted by such doubt?

its like a gaping hole, the keeps broadening and widening.....when i thought i was doing okay, i was in his will.
so how do i find him when i hadn't left where he last left me.
i guess its something i gotta figure out for myself,..bur right now i feel so fake. so lonely, so lost, so not me at all.
i keep thinking its just this period in my life, i gotta go through but i'll make it to the other side and be a okay. i pray its so!




i wont fall for just any guy, he has to be perfect! too much pressure?...well i deserve to put out those percuations because what i've seen and been through. if im waiting this long might as well be thorough, weed through the the heartbreaks and heartaches to exactly the one made to fit me.

whats new?

whats going on with me, what has been happening in my world?
well bout a week and a half ago i lost my car but kept my life.
my 1991 Oldsmobile kutless supreme convertible met its end when it plowed into a tree on highway 60.
im leaving for Flagler in just a few short weeks, with no car but i know it will be okay.
my life will be changing so drastically, im just worried that i remain who i am. not too worried but its still there.

i am eager to start school, not because im so eager to leave every thing behind but want so bad to make a new start, HAVE AN ADVENTURE!

i dont want to loose myself and devoid my morals but i want to have a bit of fun. meet new people, take steps leaps and bonds towards my future. a life that is my own, but my life is still God's and i pray he gives me direction to do his will.

and im having a little hope that i might find a honey bear....
a good guy, sweethearted and attentive but still the picture of masculinity.
im at that point i need the attention and deserve it i believe....i've gone so long with out it. and when i get a taste its snatch away leaving me quiet hungery. but i just starve instead of hunting. it will come to be sooner or later right? i wont a straving child for much longer, ...not for forever.

maybe he'll be ..
someone who would'nt get annoyed at me watching silent films and the travel channel all day long.
someone who doesn't mind random sniffs of his shirt and my abundance of affection.
soeone who would take a stereo and a few great vinyl records over an ipod any day!

oh one can only hope 8D