Notes from Nights in North Carolina

The Brocks home
January 29, 2010

Give me something to offer.
Let it be real
Let praise be all i ever have to say
make your love secure in me..

i WANT whats REAL

.............i want extraordinary

nothing is impossible.
may finances Never hold me back
No more wandering in circles.
i have a VOICE and i have something to say.

i offer LOVE

I HAVE PLENTY TO GIVE

AMEN

just let it be

just wait, wait in the garden but be awake, be in clear and sound mind and WAIT.

i want this more than anything....

How Hungary Are You?

MEET ME

if it means anything, and if it doesn't i will still stay.

-matt 11:19

"but wisedom is proved right by her actions."

"I desire mercy not sacrifice"

Be a friend to the FRIENDLESS.

Be an Ancor

Stupid Elizabeth Bennet!

That's what happens when you play the role of Elizabeth Bennett....

The story doesn't always end with you in the arms of the darling Mr. Darcy; sometimes if you take the pride too far and the prejudice to heart you're left amoung the faces of the ballroom while Miss Bingly wins his noble heart. wrong him too much, wound his pride, deface his character, let the dispise run deeper than it should and you will push him into her ready arms.

For someone like you who knows not how to offer proper encouragement, one whose heart is a fortress...you'de be able to drive away even Mr.Collins' aggressive affections.

oh Lizzie, don't be so tough and strong headed all the time.

You should have showed him tenderness,

if you had you might have heard the sweetest of words ..."My Mrs. Darcy."

Reflection

life is meant to be hard.
just because your life is going the easy route doesn't make it better.
a life at ease is one void of conflict, and without conflict you have no STORY.
...now then and there, tell me what meaning your life holds.
without the process of defeat and victory life is empty...
"count it all joy," that pesky conflict consder it a privllage.
for without it victory can not be obtained.

"There is no conflictman can endure that will not produce a blessing" - Donald Miller

"wow, im so blessed" is all i can say at this piont.

doing something i knew i should do and actually really wanted to do has lead to an unexpected reward. its astonishing what showing a little bit of kindness and love in this life will bring you. living life not according to what others would suggest but living it how they would not have ever guessed; living virtuosly with out expectation of reward has a way of granting one anyway.

a room
my room
a computer
not my computer
lives being lived
not my life being lived
a heart beating in a chest
my heart captive in this chest
a mind
my mind
a mind full of questions
a desire
my desire to create
a desire to write and explore the world with my words
a doubt
my doubt
faith
my faith
thruth
not my truth
not your truth
THE TRUTH

I have got so much on my shoulders these preceeding days and the next couple weeks, tomorrow i go to the homelss coallition and sacrafice my percious time that i give with joy but its just another source of stress right now. i have to meet my advisor and get my shecdule aproved so i can pre-registar...but one problem...i have not a clue who it is and time is running swiftly away. soon it will be gone, too far gone. i hae been putting off an essay that must work on, i feel so incapable to do, due monday. and a monster of a film project that my stupid creative ideas got me into. we havent even finished the script and we need to shoot ASAP!
all of this and i have been desperatly searching for someone to go with me to the Zac Brown Band wich is on my dream list of must do's...but no one!
and when i went to buy tickets i could not find any available.....
i just pray God that you help me pull it all together, i know you can...so i ask you to, and believe you will at my request. as long as i dedicate my self to the tasks at hand.
be with me, make it work, may not eat the bread of idleness!

may i be the superwoman of pslams 31

ok so im starting to really HATE having roommates! i want quiet time, i wanna be able to do what i want when i want, to have a place to completely relax and be my self.

a space to breathe!

i feel like punching in the face every time they randomly say FUCK! like its nothing
or
talk on the phone about obscenities
or
come in when i am playing music already and switch on the tv with sound up, when they arent even paying attention to it.

i cant even think properly to get this all out because i am soo disshuveled by ther presence.

help me help me help me