Feburary 24th 2010

I deserve good, do I not?
In search of a righteous man, none can be found!

I am such an odd little thing; friends muse at my inexpeirence,
marvel at the extent of my misfortune.
For I, a reasonable catch in their eye, has never even known the intimacy of holding another's hand.
Poor fool I must be, for they pitty me.
My heart is clinched so tight as I sit here and write, I hold out for the best even when rarely offered mediocore.
Will I find a man of greatness? none are offered to me... I would sooner tear my heart out, what use is it to me when I know not the last time I felt it beat.
I know not of love, but the lack of it.
And the worse part is I feel gulity for desiring such affection......just to know how it feels.
I put hope in that one day I will no longer be a half but a whole, and pray for patience as God takes his time. but the truth is the wait is torture, a holy burden....thats reward, though more than worth it, does not make it any easier to carry.
I know nothing of love, other than what it ought to be.
pacient
kind
self sacrificing
not proud or boastful

"for love is as strong as death its jealousy unyeilding as the grave. it burns like blazing fire, like a mighty flame." song of solomon 8:6

How long must it be...I reach out for anything that brings warmth, but I am cold and close to death, nothing but the fire will satisfy.
Where are you oh righteous man?
....not here.....not with me.

Man of God I am waiting....waiting in such solitude.

If it were just the task of riding my thoughts of ideas of courtship, If it were just an easy decision to not feel this way, It would be done by now, for i despise being weak.
I am bulit to desire a companion, but yet I am ever alone, not even friendships fill my days, alone in everyway...apart from one.
Knowing this there is nothing to be done, but WAIT.